Is your heart wicked and dark?
I don't know how it happened, but it looked like my chest had been ripped wide open. There was an unrealistic amount of space there that provided a clear view of my circulatory pump. It didn't make sense but I was looking at my own heart.
I was alarmed to see that it seemed dirty and somehow full of darkness. I guess I was expecting to see some sign of light and maybe a reddish color that would indicate good health.
I looked closely, deeply. Even the core seemed to be void of light. No matter what angle I examined it from, I could see only darkness. It almost seemed to emit it.
I felt despair. Was there no light in my heart at all? Was it evil and dark through and through? How could this be? I tried so hard to put light in my heart.
Suddenly I heard the voice of God. I'm not sure where he was speaking from as I was still too captivated with the darkness I was examining at to look around. He said,
"Yes, your heart is filled with darkness to the core, but by what light have you seen this?"
He was right. Without any light at all, how would I be able to see this dark heart? Without a glimpse of light, how would I have known what darkness was?
The Bible says that the heart is deceitful and sick. Really deceitful and sick. So much so that we can't even understand our own hearts. (Jeremiah 17:9)
But for those of us who have put our faith in the Lord Jesus, we get a new, clean heart. (Ezekiel 36:26, Psalm 51:10)
I was bothered the other day that my heart seemed so wicked and dark . . . it honestly made me wonder how real my faith and love for God were. If I've been changed and cleaned, why am I still so full of darkness? Then I realized that if it were not for the illuminating light of the Holy Spirit there would be no way I could recognize just how truly wicked my fleshly heart was. I would have nothing but trust and affection for my own heart without the light of Christ shining to show me there was a serious problem.
So don't be discouraged. Your awareness of and disdain for your own darkness is one sign of the light given you.